They say, to be happy, focus on what you have.

My drive comes from somewhere, and one of those places is lack. Lack of as good of a GPA as I would like? Study harder. Lack of money? Work more hours. Lack of feeling of achievement? Get straight A’s, do volunteer work, be there for everyone at any time. But with every gain comes a sacrifice, and it has definitely been an internal sacrifice… from where, I don’t really know. Emotionally, I feel it. Psychologically, I feel it. Mentally, I feel it. This depletion. 

Sometimes - even with the good grades, the job, the money, the amazing boyfriend, family, friends - I feel like I’m doing it ALL wrong, life. Sometimes, I realize, it’s the laziest, most apathetic, careless people that seem the most content and joyful… I’m so wound up. Type A personality. Anal retentive. Overachiever. Taken for granted. Why do I want to be like this? I achieve my goals, yes, but at the price of my happiness? I love the feeling of the victory, of earning something I know is mine, but it’s a temporary high. And I honestly don’t feel like I can be any other way because there are too many people around me who are on the opposite side of the spectrum, and they’re always getting themselves into these binds because they’re irresponsible and careless, and I truly feel like it is my duty and responsibility to take care of them and I just don’t know any other way then to be this way. And it sucks because I really truly want to quit my job, but all these people are so stupid with their money and me or my parents are the ones that end up compensating. I just wish financial insecurity was a choice I could make but it’s not, and I’m jealous of all the people who can make that leap but I have a feeling it’s because people, like me and my parents, are there to catch them when they fall. I want a taste of what it’s like to be that careless.